Beginning my Journey to a better life.

So I should start with a brief intro. I was never a big child, well not as a little child, I was active, did dancing, judo, scouts, gymnastics and as most kids In the 90's spent most of my evenings climbing trees and riding my bike outside with friends.

However when I turned around 13, my weight began to creep on and I started getting, well, tubby. I got teased for having thunder thighs but even the exercise didn't keep it at bay.

During high school there were a few things that happened that spurred me into yo-yo dieting, I think this was In 6th form - 2 heart breaks, each causing me to stop eating for over a week, I didn't even drink much and both times I lost over a stone and felt better but as physics works, the weight went back on, plus more.

In 2004 I started the Lighterlife diet. It was great , I lost a stone a month but I also didn't eat all the powder I was supposed too and my hair started falling out, I got bruises on my body and ulcers In my mouth.. Worst of all I was paying approximate £60 a week. When I could no longer afford the program, I just stopped. I had got down to 13 stone and apart from being under nourished I loved my body more - that wasn't to stay. I went to America for a gap year September 2004 and of course I was silly and the weight all went on.. Plus even more.

Come 2006 my weight although being considered obese was stable at around 15 stone, I was working at the London eye and walking miles a day, working outside and swimming at 5am before early shifts. I was happy, went out drinking, socialising, I didn't hate my photo being taken although I was aware of my size. I was an 18.

In 2008 I was diagnosed with hypermobility syndrome after suffering bad pains and stiff joints. I was signed off work over the winter and the weight started creeping on, I became depressed and unmotivated and In pain. March 2009 I was dismissed on Ill health capabilities and everything was getting on top of me, the pain was worse, I lost 2 sets of twins and had 2 operations within 3 months. I was on a downer, then I found out I was pregnant with my son!

I piled on the weight with my son and when he was born I was approximately 18 stone. Most people of course lose weight when they've had their baby, I shamefully have gained.

I was referred to London for gastric surgery and the surgeon, consultants, doctors all agreed it was for the best, but the trust wouldn't fund it as you now need to have severe sleep apnoea or type 2 diabetes and I have neither.

This really sent me into a downer. I don't like going out, none of my clothes fit. When I see myself In the mirror I'm ashamed and want to cry. I've never felt so low In my life. As it is I can't see the future, I'm sure if I stay how I am I'll die In the next few years, this is how serious it has got.

I haven't told anyone this, it's easier to write it down. I'm laying here pushing 20 stone and wanting to be the fun loving wife and mother my husband and son deserve.

Tonight marks the start of my change, I am starting Slimming World - I am getting the support. I will do this!

This is my weight loss journey

Life starts now.